Caregiving doesn't stop this husband from taking short trips from making regular trips in the region and as far as Europe. Like many Singaporeans, travelling is a hobby and a get-away from the daily grind, even if the respite is temporary.
Yet, Terence Tan takes his wife - and his caregiving responsibilities - along with him on his travels. Terence is walking proof that life doesn't have to stop when caregiving duties start.
On a recent trip, his wife went missing for close to 2 hours after they visited the toilet. Feeling frantic, flustered, and failing in his duties, he survived the harrowing experience, albeit describing it as "living on edge". He found out later his wife had wandered off before even entering the toilet.
"I even thought about taking a solo holiday just to recover. But I get up each day with renewed but tempered hope of creating and enjoying the good moments during our trip," Terence shares.
Caregiving for his wife in the last 7 years has seen Terence transform from being an embattled to an enlightened caregiver. This change in mindset to appreciate good moments instead of good days has seen him rise above many incidents and made it possible for him to press on.
He tells caregivers attending the C2C - Dementia classes which he volunteers his time to co-train with CAL programme managers: "There is no graduating from caregiving. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to care for our loved ones. Don't be afraid to seek help and tap on the many resources, people and events out there".
Indeed, to help find his wife in those 2 wretched hours when she was missing, he activated friends, mall cleaners, the police, and customs officers. This incident may have dampened his experience but doesn't deter Terence from making future trips or taking his wife out.
In the face of the new reality, he quipped "I just can't go to the toilet at the same time as my wife anymore. I have to stand guard outside to wait unless someone can accompany her."
CAL proudly honours Terence for his exemplary service and enlightened mindset, but the biggest award deserving to this selfless carer is that of an endearing husband.
Terence has been a CAL volunteer since 2022. In addition to co-training C2C classes, he readily speaks to journalists and participates in panel discussions to advocate for mental health and caregiving.
"When I speak and teach, it is a form of therapy as I can open up to an audience that resonates with me. I can't teach what I don't practise, so it is a constant loop that keeps me in check and grow stronger over time."
Terence keeps his mind and body fit and is a strong proponent of self-care for sustainable caregiving. Besides travels, he attends opera and musical performances with his wife regularly, cycles to raise funds and promote a more inclusive society for seniors - and holds a full-time job as Senior Associate Director, Strategic Initiatives & Alliances, National University of Singapore. Now that's a role model for all caregivers!
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